I immediately realized that my ass is huge. There will be a showing of Rocky Horror later tonight on it. I went to my orientation this morning. I was walking into the bookstore and saw my reflection in the mirrored glass. I truly almost started to cry right there. I have known that I was getting big. I am not blind I do see myself in the shower ( much to my dismay). I just didn't realize that I was that bad however.

I have been trying to come up with things I can do. Dieting doesn't work. This is going to have to be a change that comes not just for my eating and exercise habits. It is going to have to be a whole way of living changing. When I got home I did something I haven't done in a while. I stood on the scale in the bathroom. (I did cry then).

Crying over spilled milk isn't going to fix it either. I am going to have to start with of course a change in eating habits, and exercise. I am going to have to stop lying to myself about my food intake. I am very good at justifying when I eat and why I eat. I also know that I can't deny myself food that I want. I have read enough to know that that is a good reason most diets don't work. I stopped at the library and checked out some books on how to lose weight without "dieting".  The one that I started with had some good ideas. No carb or starchy foods after 6 or 7 in the evening, and slowing ween myself off the fried and fatty foods I adore. 

I once made a list of things I wanted to change about myself. I worked on the list over several years. I have conquered some of those things and I am still working on quite a few. I think I may make another list to start on as well. I have determined that this will be a never ending war. I will just have to take it one battle at a time.

Thanks for the vent. I am sure that I will bore one and all with this topic well...probably forever. Some things don't go away.

I am off to rearrange stuff. I hate not having as much room as I would like.
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